SATIRE: Horoscopes for April 1st 2023
Are you hitting a roadblock on what to do today? Well the stars can tell you exactly what you need!
The sky that OandB writers looked at last night to prepare these horoscopes. (Photo by FelixMittermeier https://pixabay.com/photos/milky-way-stars-night-sky-2695569/)
Aries – Say hello to every single teacher at the school, if you dont you will disappear.
Gemini – If you happen to be in Whiteford’s class then don’t do anything in his class and point towards this article. It will make him beyond happy, and his respect for you will go through the roof.
Cancer – Don’t read a satire article, especially the horoscopes section. Don’t you know they’re all made up and are just a waste of time.
Leo – Don’t do your homework tonight. That’s for nerds. Instead, go to Bananas and play Laser Tag because that’s tight.
Virgo – Go run a mile for funsies or play chess because I said so.
Libra – Avoid Woytek because the balance of the universe relies on it.
Scorpio- If you have a multiple choice test the answers are B B B B B B B B B B B c B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B A
Sagittarius – Put your lips on a dirty, moldy, water fountain for 1,000 years of good luck.
Capricorn – The accident wasn’t your fault. Wake up. It’s been 20 years: wake up, wake up, wake up…
Aquarius – If you see a Tiger today that is a sign that in the next 1 to 140 years you will die.
Pisces – Bring your cats to school to get rid of the mouse problem at Grand Junction High School.
Connor Kinser Started writing papers in his sophomore year for the second quarter of high school. He joined at the start of his sophomore year. He is now...
Spencer Penkaty is a Junior at GJHS, and a reporter for the Orange and Black student newspaper. He enjoys competing in sports like soccer, track, and wrestling....
Lincoln McQuade • Apr 5, 2023 at 2:40 pm
I love how twitter girls can literally crash their car into a building and say “sorry, I’m an asparagus”.