The Duplication Epidemic


GJHS has a new high security standard with expertly made plastic hall passes in order to travel around campus. At each hallway a scanning system was installed over the summer and without a hall pass, alarms will go off so that security can get into their golf carts and catch the escaping kids. Students were very surprised to hear about this new security system.

“It was so weird walking into school in August. I saw the familiar cracking walls and cockroaches skirting across the hall and then all of a sudden I could see a weird beam of pulsing light from this metal frame at each intersection in school. I was like ope, this is like some high tech government intelligence,” junior student said.

According to Megan Roenicke, new security standards needed to be met with the little money GJHS has. There has been such a problem with containing the overflow in ISS sessions, this new hall pass system should stop kids fleeing from campus.

Although high tech for a school of our stature, students have amazingly bested the system. Students are so desperate to take a free walk around campus that they have changed their gig of replicating ID’s to get into night clubs into a very profitable business of replicating the ever extraordinary hall pass. Evidently a mid-day walk around our beautiful crumbling campus and an escape from the ever long forty five minute classes students are forced to go to, is an ever-growing business.

“I saw the extreme student need to ditch classes this year,” anonymous duplicating mastermind student said, “and for people who have yet to see the damaging effects of the long forty five minute classes, I always warn them of the health effects of teachers giving students life skills. People just don’t understand the risk of preparing for the future and after this small convincing spiel, everyone I’ve talked to agrees a fake hall pass is worth the $500.”

But how do teenagers who haven’t even finished primary school escape an $8,000 full proof system?

“There are only about two to three hall passes per classroom. At first, students were stealing these passes to get through, but then I noticed the hall passes were just made of a cheap form of plastic. That’s when the replicating took place,” anonymous duplicating mastermind student said.

This new system seems like just another waste of our meek budget on something our school really doesn’t need. What will be next? A fence around the premise of our school, a new microwave, or another change to the already confusing parking lot? Maybe they should start on the boiler problem or possibly consider, out of all these great options, building a new school.