While everyone gets excited about Christmas upcoming, I would like to reject the hype wholeheartedly and bring Thanksgiving its proper glory.

First of all, Christmas music is trash and overplayed. We should be talking about “Gobble Gobble” by Matthew West. This song, and I truly mean this, is better than all Christmas garbage. Let’s all be honest that “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey is way overhyped, and frankly, it’s probably the most abysmal piece of music ever created. Some other Christmas songs at least don’t cause my ears to rupture like “Christmas” by Darlene Love.

I think the most ridiculous reasoning I’ve personally heard for Christmas being better than Thanksgiving is the reasoning that Christmas possesses better food options. When I hear foolish reasoning like this, it makes me concerned that certain people have the power to drive, vote, or any activity that requires even an ounce of brain power. The whole gist of Thanksgiving is quite literally eating food. Sure, there’s the aspect of being thankful for stuff, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s be honest, though, the main attraction is the amount of food you can consume on Thanksgiving, including the classics like turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry things, and if you’re an unlucky soul, your Aunt’s random, disgusting casserole. The food is simply superior in every way.

“I love Thanksgiving because the food is better. I love giving thanks to my family and friends. I honestly think Christmas is overhyped, which makes Thanksgiving better,” said GJHS junior Gabe Gonzales.

I’m not even close to being done, though. On Thanksgiving Day, we have the real thing to be thankful for: lots of football. For those who don’t know, the NFL puts on Thanksgiving Day football games, including the classic teams like the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys. I know Christmas does, too, but watching football on the day of Thanksgiving with that one random uncle you’ve never talked to is a feeling that can’t be replicated on any other day or holiday. 

Family football games are also great if the family decides to play. You might get to just slam your random second cousin on a slot route, or get cooked by your random uncle on a route. You’ll feel like a hotshot until the random 30-year-old cousin starts throwing absolute bombs downfield. I’m being very honest when I say this, it’s the most fun scenario in the world, beating any idea of getting presents on Christmas.

I’ll try to wrap this up so as not to torture anyone with my ranting longer than needed, but if you don’t think Thanksgiving movies are better than Christmas movies, please never even breathe around me ever again. I think of people who enjoy Christmas movies as those naked mole rats, slimy, gross, and the most untrustworthy humans of all time. Just watch Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving if you don’t believe me.

My final mic-drop-worthy point is the icons of each holiday. Out of all three mystical beings, the Pilgrims are so much cooler than Santa or the Great Pumpkin. I mean really, why would anyone choose the old fat dude or a literal plant over the mystical pilgrims. They’re objectively the best fantasy magical character in world history.

Editors’ Note: Orange and Black reporter Mason Strippel contributed to this article