No matter who you are, at some point in your life you are going to be in a place where you need to talk to someone about some very personal things.

When you get to the point where you need to talk to people, nothing is worse than when people offer to listen to you, but when you do begin to talk about your problems, it becomes obvious that they don’t care, or are hearing you speak but aren’t really listening to you.  Hearing and listening sound like interchangeable words, but when it comes down to it there is a difference.

You can hear anything.  Listening is more complicated.  Listening means that not only are you hearing what someone is saying to you, but you are also paying attention to every word and are giving whoever is talking your full attention.  When you do this for someone, the person who needed to talk is going to walk away feeling like someone really cares for them.

Somewhere along the line, conversations have lost a lot of the intimacy that comes from paying full attention to who is speaking.  Teacher, Justin Whiteford, thinks that the variable that changed was the popularity of smart phones.

“With the increase of cell phones, students are speaking, ironically, through cell phones rather than engaging at an intimate level.  You can especially see proof of this at restaurants.  No one talks to each other anymore, they are all just on their phones.  On two occasions I have witnessed a student trying to talk to a peer about some very intense emotional problems, and the peers had the audacity to be on their phones.  We no longer have the ability to be present with other people.  When you are listening, you are present,” Mr. Whiteford said.

Teacher, Joseph Graham, also has similar viewpoints on the topic.

“I think people are afraid to put themselves out there and to open up as it is, but with the distraction of phones being in the mix, it makes it even harder for people to want to talk.  We are all so self-interested and distracted, especially as adolescents, you always feel you and your problems are more important,” Mr. Graham said.

If you need to talk to someone, don’t stand for someone who still uses their phone while you are talking, or act as if they don’t care.  Find someone who will listen to you rather than hearing your words.